Weiss noticed the breeze shift from east to west, from fragrant and warm to chilly and damp. The blaze of saturate pink and crimson against the clouds over the ocean was starting to fade to a heathery purple. He was seated on a picnic table bench at the edge of the eponymous bluff at Paradox Bluff County Park. On the table’s surface, there was an empty bottle of Pinot Grigio, what was left of a charcuterie board, a backpack, and a pair of graduation caps, one delicately balanced on the other. One belonged to him.
The other belonged to Charlotte Kapoor, who lounged, impossibly relaxed, across the bench, taking a picture of the sunset with her phone. The sun caught the long black curls of her hair in a low beam from the break in the trees, revealing hints of brown and glinting off her oversized round glasses. She examined the picture for a moment, sighed contentedly, and put the phone down. “Well,” she said, “that was lovely. It’s a shame May couldn’t make it.”
Weiss detected a hint of humor in her voice. It was the evening of their high school graduation, and Charlotte had proposed immediately after the ceremony that she, Weiss, and May take this trip up to the park to celebrate. Judging by the precise amount of food she had already packed when she asked, she was expecting May’s answer: her family was all in town, and she was obliged to spend time with them. Her parents came from relatively old money, and hewed close to tradition. The Emersons were a large family, mostly from the East Coast, with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all arranged in a complex hierarchy of respect. Failure to observe the expectations of the byzantine structure would result in drama. They did not care too much for May’s comparatively shabby boyfriend (whom they were convinced was in her life only as a by-product of her “rebellious phase,” which would be grown out of any day now), and Weiss was more than happy to make himself scarce during their family gatherings.
He would, however, have preferred her here rather than at her house out in the gated community on the south side of town. Something was up with Charlotte lately, and while he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was, it made him uncomfortable to be alone with her. She wouldn’t make eye contact with him for more than a second. She was shy one moment, wildly flirty the next. The flirting was nothing new; she had done it for years. At this point, he had assumed she just thought it was funny to get him flustered, but she had ratcheted it up significantly these last few weeks, and never in front of May.
“What are you thinking about?” She spoke with an accent, her pitch bouncy and vowels stretched. Charlotte was born in Nashville to a man from Amritsar and a woman from Lyons, and had lived in Paradox since she was 10. It was a combination that Weiss loved to listen to, though he’d never say it out loud. Nor would he admit that he was thinking about how he thought she might be trying to seduce him.
It wasn’t that May didn’t have her suspicions, which she voiced to Weiss often. Charlotte and he were… roommates? Godsiblings? Their relationship had always been hard to define; it was closer than friendship but not exactly familial, which often raised eyebrows. Charles, Charlotte’s father, was Weiss’s godfather, having been his parents’ closest friend. An accident had taken their lives around the same time he was divorcing Charlotte’s mother, prompting him to move out to Washington to raise both children on his own. They had both been 10 at the time. It was too late in their development to form a sibling bond, but processing their traumas under the same roof made them fiercely loyal to---and completely comfortable with---each other. In other words, the lines around their relationship were blurry at best.
“I guess I’m thinking… now what?” It was a half-truth vague enough to get by. “I mean, everyone else has their plans, and I have no clue what I’m doing.” His head buzzed; he was not much of a drinker. He couldn’t tell whether the warmth he felt was the result of the alcohol or the body at his side.
“I thought you were following May out east?”
“May has…” he hesitated as a hawk cried in the distance. “She’s going to MIT.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah. She just told me last week. I don’t think I was supposed to share that, so, you know…”
“Share what?” Charlotte asked airily. “I don’t mean to presume, but you’re, um… not exactly going to be able to follow in her footsteps then, huh?” There was a brief pause, then she waved her hands in front of her face defensively. “I mean, this is coming from me, who is definitely not MIT material.”
“Ha. No, you’re right, there’s no way.” Weiss was a straight-B student, smart, but lacking ambition, if his report cards since the first grade were to be believed. He mostly stayed out of trouble and had no problem getting along with classmates and instructors, but he did little to stand out from the pack. He’d never seen a reason to push himself any harder than he did, and now, top colleges were not in his sight. He was comfortable with that---at least, he had been until May told him just how high she was aiming.
He sighed deeply, his voice shuddering as he exhaled. It was starting to get chilly. A few sodium lamps fizzled on by the small parking lot at the entrance, but aside from that, the park was nearly getting too dark to see. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he said. “I’m not going to college this year. I’ll probably end up working at a restaurant in Boston or something.”
“That’s romantic, isn’t it? Slaving away in the heat of a cramped kitchen, dodging knives and pans and people, preparing haute cuisine for the masses, all so that you can keep a roof over you and your brilliant, beautiful girlfriend’s heads while she studies to change the world? Her, writing the next great thesis as the clock strikes 2 in the morning, you, keeping her fed while you practice your art, the two of you just scraping by, keeping each other safe and sane in a cold new city…” Charlotte’s eyes practically sparkled as she described the fantasy.
Weiss laughed to himself. “I don’t know how much she’s going to change the world---did you know MIT has a theatre department?”
“I did not!”
“Neither did I, but that’s what she is going to be doing over there. And I don’t think she’s going to need me to keep a roof over her head, even after she’s out of the dorms. It sounds like I’ll be on my own most of the time for a while---it’ll be weird. Still, I appreciate the thought.”
“You know I got you.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Maybe someday you can cook for me for once.” Charlotte leaned into Weiss’s side, wiggling just so to get his arm around her shoulders. He let it happen. She was not shy about touching him, and he had long given up trying to discourage it.
“Maybe.” Another moment passed. The breeze was cold now. Weiss was glad to have his friend so close, whatever her intentions were. “So, Charlotte, what about you? You still haven’t told me your plans.”
She didn’t reply.
“Charlie?”
“Sorry, Weiss, I---I should have told you this before, I just haven’t known how.” Her voice broke as she lost her trademark confidence. “After this month, I’m moving to be with my mom for a while.”
Weiss’s heart dropped. “You’re moving to France?” When her parents had split up, her dad had moved here to Paradox, and her mom had moved back home. There had been no custody battle; Charles was happy to take his daughter, while as far as anyone knew, Etienne just wanted to reset her life. Weiss knew that Charlotte had always held a lot of animosity for her mother, so the idea of her going to such lengths to see her again was a shock. It certainly explained why she was being so cagey.
“I know it sounds crazy. It was Dad’s idea. He thought maybe I would want to get an idea of what her life is like, to learn about that half of my heritage, and… he’s right. I know I give Mom a lot of shit but, you know, I’m mostly just mad I don’t have a relationship with her. She was scared when I was little, I guess. She ran. Maybe I would have done the same, I don’t know. She wasn’t all that much older than I am now when I was born, so I’d rather get to know her and find out what we have in common than be mad at her from a distance. If I don’t do it now, maybe I’ll never get the chance, so… I have to go.”
“Wow. That’s… really something.” He wasn’t sure what to say. Sorry? Congratulations? I don’t know what I’m going to do with you half a world away, because we are joined at the hip and I have never considered the possibility that we might be separated someday?
The dam broke before he could decide on his next words[1] . Charlotte flung her arms around Weiss, burying her face in his jacket, nearly bawling. He returned the embrace. They stayed like that for a long moment, Charlotte holding on tight while Weiss ran his hand up and down between her shoulders. It was cold---he could feel the goosebumps on her arm as his skin brushed against hers---and they were both sad now. It was time for them to move on.
“Hey,” he said. “Want to go home?”
Charlotte nodded and sniffed, her hair making a muffled rustling noise against the nylon of his jacket. Weiss stood up and offered her his hand, helping her to her feet. Then, silence. They looked into each other’s eyes, her hands in his, his gray-green meeting her deep brown. Wisps of breath from the two of them, lit a striking amber by the streetlights, rose into the air, merging into a single strand before fading away. They were inches apart. The moment felt profound, intense. It was the climax of the longest relationship he’d ever had with another person, a foundational part of his life, about to be entirely disrupted. He couldn’t hold it.
Weiss cracked a smile.
“You just have to keep one-upping me, don’t you? I mention I might be moving coasts, and all of a sudden, you happen to be leaving for Europe. I see how it is.”
Charlotte’s jaw dropped, stunned. Her gaze hardened with a blink, and she punched his arm, hard. “Hey, fuck you!” she shouted, half-smiling, wiping the tears from her face. The sound of her voice and his yelp of surprised pain echoed across the valley. Weiss apologized, having succeeded in defusing the tension, and helped her pack up the backpack before they started to walk the long, winding road down the side of the mountain towards home.
-this party sux. suuuper glad you’re out having a nice time in the woods. i saw that bottle in charlie’s backpack. jealous. miss you bb :3
6:57 pm 6/12/10
-I fucking swear if one more person makes a sideways comment about the stupid streak in my stupid hair i am going to lose my shit
7:22pm 6/12/10
-dude my great aunt gave me a hard time for not getting into harvard. HARVARD. I will never be good enough for these people
8:01pm 6/12/10
-repressed sexuality here is crazy. folks are stiff as boards but you can tell by how my cousins look at each other that theyre so damn horny. its hilarious
8:42pm 6/12/10
-i can relate but still. gross lol
8:42pm 6/12/10
-dude
9:07pm 6/12/10
-come on
9:07pm 6/12/10
-text me back please i am losing my mind i need to talk to a human
9:08pm 6/12/10
-ok
9:51pm 6/12/10
-well
9:51pm 6/12/10
-i snuck out. bet they didn’t even notice. i’m heading over to climb you like a tree, ready or not >:)c
10:03pm 6/12/10
She tasted like peppermint. Holy shit, she tasted like peppermint. Incredible. Weiss had no idea how she pulled that off, she hadn’t left his sight since they got home. They had put away the backpack and the cutting board, said hi to Charlotte’s dad, and collapsed onto the old sectional in the living room. They were on opposite sides of it for about five minutes before she scooted next to him. About thirty seconds after that, she deftly spun around, suddenly face to face with him, her knees on his thighs and her arms around his neck, her dark hair backlit by the DVD menu of a movie they hadn’t even bothered to start.
“I’m not going to let you joke your way out of it this time,” she’d whispered, looking more nervous than he’d ever seen her. Please kiss me.”
He had. The moment his lips touched hers, she melted into him, forming herself to his body like a well-loved sweater, her fingers exploring the angles of his face. They gasped occasionally, coming up for air, often giggling with exhilaration at the same time.
May never laughed when they made out. It was a serious affair when they were together, with moans and huffs that sounded rehearsed in comparison to the range of noises he and Charlotte were making, stifled as they were to avoid waking Charles up. This was fun! They were on their sides now, hands starting to creep under the hems of shirts, their faces never parting for more than a second or two. He couldn’t believe how much they trusted each other, how easy, how natural this was.
“What’s wrong?” asked Charlotte with a start.
“Huh?”
“You’re crying.”
Weiss’s hands went to his face. Sure enough, tears. He was feeling a lot right now. His heart was pounding, his mind reeling, emotions going in five directions at once. It took him a moment to find the source of the tears inside.
“I guess… I’m sad for what I was missing.”
“Cut it out,” she replied gently, putting a finger to his lips. “We can have that conversation for the rest of our lives if you want. For now…”
She took her sweater off. Her skin underneath was smooth, bronze, perfect. They pressed each other against each other again, the girl’s unimpeded warmth feeling like it might burn him. Weiss traced the contour of her spine, reaching back behind her shoulder blades, squeezing the clasp of the soft lace bra together, letting loose Charlotte’s breasts as she moa---
“You have to be fucking kidding me.”
The light switched on in the hallway, blinding Weiss for a moment while he and Charlotte dove to the cushions. He peeked up from behind the couch’s back and turned his head to the sound of the voice, blinking dumbly. It took him a few seconds to process what he was seeing: the silhouette of May Emerson in front of the ceiling lamp. She cut a striking figure against the light, purplish-red hair cleanly cropped to her shoulders, a subtly studded leather jacket worn over a sleek black evening gown. He scrambled to his feet, panicking, a new kind of heat burning in his chest, radiating up from his diaphragm. To his surprise, Charlotte was next to him in an instant, having thrown her top back on. She stood next to him, put an arm around his waist, and squeezed hard. Her face was bright red, but her eyes burned with intensity as she considered May’s disgusted expression. The three of them held the tableau for an agonizing minute.
“I trusted both of you,” May said, her voice heavy with sadness and anger. “I put up with this creepy arrangement between you because you were my friend, Charlotte.” She used the word “friend” as if it were a dagger. Her face screwed up for a second, then returned to a steely scowl. “How long have you been fucking my boyfriend?”
“I never---” Charlotte started, but May interrupted her, bristling.
“Do you know what? I don’t want to hear your voice. Ever again, I think. Weiss. Answer me.”
“It’s true,” he replied shakily. “We’ve never done anything like this before.”
May barked a sharp, humorless laugh. “You know, I don’t believe you! Why should I believe you? I’d have to be a goddamn idiot to take you at face value now.” May put her face in her hands, starting to pace in a tiny circle. “How **dare **you?”
“Maybe if you didn’t treat him like such garbage, he wouldn’t find himself in the arms of someone who actually cares about him!” Charlotte spoke with practiced steadiness, stepping forward.
May stopped in her tracks, her eyebrows crushed together, forming a hard crease on her tilted forehead. “What did you just say to me?”
“You heard what I said, May. I hear all about how you talk to him. Little digs, condescension, questioning every decision he makes. He tells me everything. You didn’t trust him before today. I don’t think you ever did.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t blame him, this is your fault. You made him miserable.” Charlotte, indignant, spat the words. May took three quick strides across the room towards her.
“Holy shit, you little bitch, they’re going to be cleaning pieces of you up for---” She raised a fist. Weiss stepped in front of Charlotte, putting himself between them and grabbing May’s wrist. Her face softened suddenly, shocked.
“Don’t,” Weiss said, trying to muster up as much firmness as he could. Now it was May’s face that was close to his, moving between grief, anger, and shock, all at once. Tears ran down her cheeks, making little tics of impact against her jacket. He let go once he felt her arm go slack. It dropped to her side.
“How could you let her talk to me like that, Weiss?” Her voice took on a pathetic, helpless edge. “She’s lying.”
Weiss took a deep breath. “Listen, May, we can talk about this later. Once you’ve cooled off. I think you should go home.”
“What? No. What?” May looked genuinely confused now. “I should go home? And leave you with this slut? That’s not happening.”
“Charlotte and I live here, and I don’t care what happened; I’m not going to tolerate anyone threatening her.”
“I didn’t think you were so spineless.”
“Go home, May.”
“Fuck!”
May shoved Weiss, whirled around, then stomped down the basement hallway and up the stairs. They heard the door slam behind her, rattling the paintings hung on the wall as she left the house, heels clicking angrily against the cement of the driveway. He and Charlotte were still for a moment while they tried to recenter themselves. Weiss could feel himself shutting down, overwhelmed by the stress.
“Wow,” said Charlotte, breaking the silence. “That was intense.” She plopped back down onto the couch. “How do you think that went?”
“I don’t know. Was this a mistake? Did we just break up? What do you mean, how it ‘went?’” His heart pounded with what he now realized was panic as he looked at Charlotte, rubbing his temples. “What was all of that? I had no idea you felt that way about her.”
She shrugged. “Didn’t want to rock the boat too hard. I’ve been watching you get more and more stressed every day over the last couple of years, and every time we talk about it it’s something that May wants or needs, or how you’re feeling bad about yourself because you don’t live up to some kind of standard she suddenly has, or you pissed her off… I could go on. It’s not subtle. I’ve wanted to give her a piece of my mind for a long time.”
“Shit, Charlie. Wish you’d said something.”
“Didn’t want you to think I was trying to blow up your life before at least getting to kiss you once. Priorities.” She grinned. “For what it’s worth, you did great!”
Weiss raised his eyebrows. Maybe one day her boldness would stop surprising him. Maybe one day it would rub off on him.